What time is it?
Ten to four
What time is it, now?
Nine to four
Up yours, queer!
Eight to four
Where's Doinel?
Here I am. Why?
Let's go
Can I take a leak?
Not till six
Lousy fink bastard!
You shouldn't have hit that guard
Doinel, pee for us
Get laid for us!
At five sharp
We'll think of you at five!
Pvt. Doinel is here
You probe the ground with your bayonet
And you think, "Ah, I feel something hard!"
That's what your girl says when you're home on leave
Well, mines are like dames
You have to go gently
With a girl you don't feel her ass right away
You fiddle around
With a mine it's the same thing
Study it while I'm gone
Well, you finally made it
It's just as well, for you and for us
Some individuals are hopeless
They just clutter up the army
Here's your record
Pvt. Antoine Doinel enlisted for 3 years...
discharged from the army...
as unfit for service
There are boys who don't like the army
They're drafted and they serve
But they don't volunteer! Why did you enlist?
I had personal reasons
A girl, naturally!
The army is no refuge. What's more, you've spent...
your enlistment bonus.
They should make you give it back
I would...
You must have pull... communist friends
They run everything nowadays
Assigned to Vidauban. AWOL
Sent to Strasbourg. AWOL
Confined to barracks at Dupleix. AWOL
You're always AWOL
And you had your civvies stolen
You'll have to send your uniform back
Honorable discharge denied
by order of the General himself
Which means...
you can never work for the government...
or any respectable company
You can always peddle ties...
But I doubt that you'll sell many
I hope we never meet again. Dismissed!
You have to pay for the room!
It's 8 francs
Ginette got picked up again
Leave her something
That's the third time
We'll bring her sandwiches
Not me!
Not on the mouth!
Never with customers
Don't! I've got spray on
I'll keep it on. I've got a cold
Come here. I'll wash you
Where are you going?
I'm always at the Balto
If I'm not there, just wait 10 minutes
How about Saturday?
Okay, fatso
You going in or out?
I don't know. I'll follow you
You're my first soldier today
You'll bring me luck
What are you in?
I was in the artillery
Great!
I love big guns!
Won't Lucien be surprised!
Lucien, look who's here!
Long time no see
Are you on leave?
No. Discharged
- Have you eaten? - Yes. Don't bother
I'm sure you haven't. Sit down
Too bad Christine's not here
Did you get sick? Is it temporary?
No. Permanent...
Psychologically unfit. That works even in wartime
Good for you!
The army is like...
the theatre... a wonderful anachronism
We never knew why you enlisted
I'd read Military Servitude and Greatness...
and I believed it
And now...
you're looking for a job?
I'd like to find something
What about Shapiro?
The Hotel Alsina
You're right! I'll call him
He's a customer. He has a hotel in Montmartre
His night watchman just died
Would that suit you?
It'd be fine
You wanted to see Christine
I'll call her tomorrow
No. She's gone skiing...
with some friends, for a week
The conservatory is closed down. There's a new dean
The students preferred the old one. So they're out on strike
It's Mr. Shapiro
I heard you mention Christine. What did you tell him?
The truth
What should I tell him?
That's all right
He told me to come over right away
I think I'd better go now because...
Before you finish your cheese?
Go ahead. Being a night watchman isn't bad
You have time to read
And Shapiro is a nice guy
I'll tell Christine you're back
Hello, Christine
Hello, Antoine
I'm glad to see you. You haven't changed
- So you got out? - Finally
That's what my parents said
Did you just get home?
I came right over
Do you like it here?
It's peaceful
My parents were afraid you'd catch cold. They sent this
Vitamins. It's nice of you, but...
Take some now, or you'll forget
Do you want something to drink?
What is there?
Anything... Mineral water... coke
A coke
I didn't think I'd see you again. You haven't written for 6 months
I was usually in jail or in the hospital
And at first, when I wrote...
you didn't answer very often
Yes, I did! But you wrote so many letters
Once I counted... I got 19 in one week
I wondered when you found time to write
So did I
And they weren't all so nice
What's your day off?
Wednesday
Come to dinner. Mother said to ask you
You bet... absolutely... positively
Has Mrs. Colin come down yet?
I haven't seen anyone
I was supposed to meet her at 6. And I'm late myself
We'll miss our train to London!
The boat won't wait for us
Didn't she ask you to wake her?
You're half asleep yourself!
Let me see it
6 o'clock - room 18. 6:15...
There!... room 24
Let's go. Take your key.
I know her... She probably took a sleeping pill
Hurry up!
- What floor? - Third
If we miss that train, we'll miss the boat
Open the door
She takes sleeping pills. Turn the light on
Julien, what are you doing?
Your husband?
None of my business
Julien! This is too much!
My mother was right! You're pathetic!
Hopeless!
Just look at yourself...
No, no... not that way!
What's the point?
We've got to be noisy Now... go on!
You're crazy!
Not the flowers! The vase!
That's great! Keep it up!
Go call the police
He's breaking everything! He's crazy!
Call the cops!
Say it's an emergency!
Tell them it's serious. They'll get here faster
Very good
Fire Department?
No! The cops! Dial 17
This is for you. Buy some candy
Hello, Police?
This is the Hotel Alsina
On the 3rd floor...
Say they're breaking everything
They're breaking everything
Keep it
What's going on?
A man just found his wife...
The lady in no. 24 was with no. 19
You let him in!
He told me to hurry
You're a private detective! Get out of here!
You too!
Here's your bonus...
And this is for Christmas
What'll you have?
I just ordered
You pulled a fast one!
Are you a private detective?
I've been with the Blady Agency for 30 years
Haven't you seen the ads...
on the phone book covers?
You didn't see me at the hotel last night
But I was there...
when Mrs. Colin and her lover went upstairs
I knew they'd be in bed together
All I needed was proof
Why didn't you call the cops then?
They wouldn't have come
My client would have had to appeal to the District Attorney
The D.A. would have called the police
They come and what do they do?
The cops note that at a certain time...
they saw a Mr. Colin...
go into a hotel room...
and assault two persons in the same bed
One of the persons being the wife of said Colin
Generally, the cops only come for disturbance of the peace
But in this case, we got official proof of adultery
- Not bad! - It's a job
I've got to go
I had a phone call to make
Oh, I'll do it at the office
Hey, you lost your job, didn't you?
Where's Mother?
The trains are on strike till tomorrow
But the table is set for 3
Look who's behind you
I thought you were coming Wednesday
He left the hotel
He got fired
- So he's looking for a job? - No, I've got one
What's he doing?
You'll never guess
A newsboy?
Better than that
- A porter at Orly? - That takes pull
- A painter? - That takes talent
A writer?
No money in that
A water taster?
It's a good job. I saw one on T.V.
No. Less tiring
A cab driver?
You're getting warm
A poet?
Less intellectual. More dangerous
- I give up. - I said dangerous
Shall I give you a hint?
Does he use a gun?
No. A spy glass!
I give up
I'll give you a hint
Sheriff?
Sure. Didn't you see his horse outside?
I'm a private detective!
Yeah. Antoine Bond...
F.B.I.
You know the Blady Agency...
all kinds of investigations
Oh, that's great!
I want to hear about it
Come and help me
I can't stay long. I'm meeting some friends
Do you mind?
You're sure, now?
I don't mind at all
If you did, would you tell me?
No, I would not. But I don't really mind
I'll make you sing
I'm no canary
I object, your Honor
Anything you say may be held against you
Catherine, you did a good job in London
But why all that room service?
The London Hilton is at the angle
And I covered both doors from my window
What's new on the textile case?
The salesgirl doesn't take anything out
We've tailed her for 3 weeks
She can't conceal anything in her coat and her bag's too small
She's no thief
We'll drop it. I have a hunch
I think her boss made it all up
He's in love with her...
and was looking for some way to get to her
And he didn't dare tell me the truth
Like the guy at the Ministry 3 years ago
But he came to a bad end
Yeah. He hanged himself
No, he shot himself
He hanged himself from a beam...
in the attic of the Ministry...
Hanging doesn't make your brains splatter
With the belt of his bathrobe
You always want the last word, Henri
I argued with your father...
when you were in knee pants
Doinel, you stay
My father had lots of patience. But mine is limited
Limited is right!
Mr. Albany is here
Show him in
You wait there
Come and sit down
It's about a friend...
who lived with me
A month ago...
he disappeared
He left...
some things and I'd like to return them
You want his address?
Yes, but not only that
I'd like to know how he lives...
what he's doing, whom he sees
I understand. We'll find...
his address...
tail him...
and investigate
It will cost you...
300 francs a day
Fine. Will it take...
very long?
It depends on whether your friend...
the gentleman...
is hard to find or not. What is his profession?
He's a magician
He does an act with colored cords
I always do the puzzle
Bring your book
I'll get on it right away
Call me in a few days
Is Doinel there?
Are you sure that you know yourself?
Because I need to understand you
Just bear in mind that we are not the F.B.I.
We never impersonate police inspectors
We use initiative and cunning
Over there, every Thursday they serve salt pork and lentils
I came to see Christine
She's out
Come in and have some coffee
Shall I come tonight?
No. I said Saturday. Or never, if that doesn't suit you
Saturday's fine
You look upset. What's wrong?
Catherine is impossible!
She refuses to get married!
I've been after my girl for 2 years...
and I know it won't work
Why not get yourself a whore?
They're too filthy
At your age I ate french fries in the street...
and laid slobs...
who used safety pins on their bras
But now, I can't take them
I've got a date with a real tall girl
What do you do when a girl is taller than you are?
Nothing special
I mean a tall, tall girl
When you go out, if she's too...
Just look professional!
How did it go, with the girl?
At first it was depressing
But later on, it was fantastic!
The walls shook... it was real wild!
When my grandfather died...
I was sad, and my cousin cried like crazy
There was a big family dinner
Right after dessert we went to the attic...
and I laid her on the floor
If anybody had found us, it would have seemed monstrous
Yet, to make love is a way of compensating for death...
of proving you exist
Christine will be here soon
Are you going to an early show?
No, we're going to a night club...
for a case I'm on
It must be fascinating!
It is. For instance, today...
a woman asked us to find out why,
although their nursemaid takes them out every day,
her twin babies seemed so pale...
Since she goes to work...
she can't follow the nurse
Well, they had me tail her
And this afternoon...
I waited in front of her apartment house
The nurse came out with the twins
She took them to a little park. And I followed them
Where's that thing?
Oh, you came for Christine
What happened in the park?
She rushed right through it...
came out the other end
She went into a building
She left the twins with the concierge...
in a filthy room
Then she came out...
crossed the street and went into a strip joint...
where she did the "nursemaid strip"
She took off her uniform...
and did things with the baby's bottle
And since it was a continuous show...
she did an encore 15 minutes later
Then she went back to the concierge's...
to pick up the twins
She tipped the concierge and took them home
No wonder they looked sickly!
I made out my report and called it into the office
Fantastic!
Have you been here long?
At least 2 hours
What are you looking for?
I can't find Langman's address
I want to send his wife some flowers
Call him. We have his phone number
And what do I say?
"Give me your address so I can send you flowers"
You've got his phone number but not his address?
Langman... 5255573
That's simple
Leave it to me
What are you doing?
Is this 5255573?
Mrs. Langman?
If I say, "Chiquita" what do you answer?
Banana!
You just won 5 bunches of bananas!
What address shall we send them to?
6 rue Ribera
Fine. And congratulations!
That was brilliant!
One of the tricks of the trade
Are we going to the movies?
No, I've got to go to a night club. On a case
It's a nice place. There's a show
Do you mind?
No. If it's light, you'll behave better than at the movies...
and I'll have some peace
There was an old sailor...
a magician and a story-teller...
a living legend
Children...
would crowd around him on the wharf
As he played with braided cords, he told them...
strange tales
He had all kinds of cords, all lengths...
all colors
White and red...
green and yellow
Orange and wine, purple and blue
He'd pretend not to see us
But we saw him
He'd roll up the gold cord...
and put it down
Then, as if he were performing...
a sacred ritual...
as if he were seeking... who knows...
a lost science... slowly...
we'd see him...
knot the blue cord...
wind it around his hand
And the knots would go from the blue cord...
over to the gold cord
And from the gold cord...
back to the blue cord
And no one paid any attention to his story
As soon as he wound the blue cord on his hand...
the knots would go from the blue...
to the gold
Then back again...
to the blue
Once again the knots would go from the blue cord...
to the gold cord
Excuse me. I've got to go. It's for my job
I must kiss you!
Albert, you remember Antoine?
Albert, my husband
What are you doing here?
Waiting for a friend
You're wondering if it's a boy or a girl
You must come to dinner some night
Do you have my phone number?
I think so
You haven't called lately
You didn't used to be afraid of the phone
See you soon
I'm calling because...
I left you in sort of a hurry
I hope you're not mad. It was for my job
I had to tail a guy...
you know, the magician. You're not angry?
No. You detectives...
You say that. But you sound...
a little resentful
No. Not at all
We could go out tonight...
or do something. I'd like to
So would I. But I'm a little tired
I went to the demonstration
With cops and clubs and everything?
You know Marie?
She got hit
They're terrible!
Her father is suing the police
Don't cut us off, miss!
I can't hear you, Christine
Something's wrong with this line
Don't you put that dirty paper on my windshield!
6:55...
they close the post office
6:58... the subject has not reappeared
7:04... operation suspended
According to this...
the subject spent the night in the post office!
You must be kidding!
I lost him
The magician made himself disappear!
What kind of club does he work at?
Kind of an arty place...
with candles on the tables and Vivaldi...
in the toilets
What statue are you referring to?
He makes all his appointments at a statue of Joan of Arc
An equestrian statue?
Mr. Tabard is here
Show him in
I'm sure the magician spotted you
I'll have to put someone else on it
I don't know what to do with you. You're certainly willing
But you discourage me
I may as well be frank
I have no special reason for coming
People don't usually come here out of curiosity
Are you married?
Yes, very happily
To a superior woman
No problem there
I'm in good health
Delighted to hear it
Your profession?
Oh, the store is doing fine. We double our profits every year
What store?
My shoe store
Shoes for men, women and children...
especially children
Everybody needs shoes, right?
And with traffic jams, more people are walking
Then you're a happy man...
with no cares, no enemies
Not without enemies
Ever since my childhood, in college and in the army...
people have been jealous of me
Not that it keeps me awake
And I have one failing...
I'm frank!
I see what you mean
But I don't understand why you're here
What do you want from me?
Well, nobody loves me, and I want to know why
I know what you'll say...
I should see an analyst
It's not that I can't afford one. But I can't waste time...
telling my life story on a couch! I'm not a mamma's boy!
And my store keeps me busy
A bootier's work is never done!
If you feel everyone hates you, it may be...
that you look down on people
Oh no! Certainly not!
Anyone can buy shoes...
at Tabard's...
Jewish women, Arabs...
even Chinese women...
as long as they wear high heels, of course
I feel that I'm despised
But I don't know by whom
I can sense it all around me...
in restaurants, at the movies...
at prize fights
My concierge, for instance...
When I speak to her, she shrugs
And my wife laughs all the time...
except when I tell a joke
And my salesgirls...
They're the worst
Whenever I comment on their work...
they answer back...
they argue
Do you have any friends?
Not one
Luckily I don't need any. If I did...
I couldn't make any
How many salesgirls have you?
Four, plus the cashier
We could start our investigation... in your store
I could install a periscope
I'll show you
Send Doinel in
He said right away
This isn't my day!
You know what my father said...
when I left home?
"Be respectful... to your boss!"
Here's our periscope
He's young
Yes. But brilliant
Send him in on Monday. I'll hire him
Oh no! That wouldn't work
No one must suspect you know each other
Place an ad: "Stockboy wanted."
Start when I say go
1, 2, 3, go
Show me your packages
This one's fine
We'll hire him
How's everything?
Fine. I'm working in a shoe store
I'm fine too. You know my T.V. scripts...
I took them to the head men
They liked them. They're interested
I'm sure they'll take them
So I'm fine
Is there a restaurant around here?
Eat with us
Usually we all bring something
I don't want to bother you
We'll manage
Help me set the table
Say, the boss, Mr. Tabard...
I like him
You don't know him! He's a dinosaur!
You're not going till you find those "Louis XV" shoes
They never arrived. They're not on my slips
Didn't you learn anything at school?
The factory confirms they fixed the shanks and returned them
You signed the receipt
I signed lots of papers today. I don't know where they are
The customer paid for those shoes!
I've looked in all the unmarked boxes
Well, they're in the wrong box
Fan all the stacks till you find them
I want those shoes first thing tomorrow!
You shouldn't be here, the store is closed
- If all the customers did that... - they'd all be Fabienne Tabard
I'm the boss's wife
Oh, I apologize
It's all right. You're the new boy?
What do you think of these?
Too shiny for the dress. You're right
Go get me a pair like these...
with black satin toes. Size 4 1/2
Mr. Tabard is impatient, as usual
Will you answer it?
I don't understand
It's in English
Would you mind taking this up to the apartment?
Do you know how to lock up?
You work awfully late
On the Cinderella case...
The employees call Mr. Tabard "the dinosaur"
I met Mrs. Tabard
Her voice is enchanting and she speaks English
Describe her
She's superb!
A little vague and very gentle
She has an adorable turned-up nose
Her size?
Slender
I mean how tall is she?
5ft. 5 without heels
What shape face?
A pure oval...
slightly triangular
Luminous skin...
lit up from within
We want a report, not a declaration of love!
What do you mean, hounding me at the store?
Well, you never call, and you're never home
My parents were worried about you
Tell them hello for me
There's no reason to be so nasty
No reason, huh?
If I did anything, just tell me
Oh, nothing at all!
I thought I was your friend
You can keep your friendship!
So we're back to last year
No! Much farther back. And whose fault is it?
Not mine! I can't remember all your letters...
but you once wrote...
Now I know I feel nothing but friendship for you
- Did you write that, or not? - That's what I thought, then
But love and friendship call for admiration
Well, I don't admire you!
Even when I thought I loved you I didn't admire you
I don't want to go alone
Get Antoine to take you
I wouldn't mind. I've got a real yen for him
But he's crazy about Mrs. Tabard!
The other day Sylvie called her "Mrs. Dinosaur"
Antoine was furious! He said, "She's an exceptional woman!"
Then he said, "She is not a woman. She's an apparition!"
Haven't you noticed?
When she appears he turns white as a sheet
No, not that stack. Look in the green boxes on top
They're empty
Higher
Do I have tomorrow off?
No
Can I leave early today?
No
Do you want to hear a story?
No
The one about the moron who said no... Well, it's you!
Come with me
It's like that all the time
How's your investigation going?
I can't say. I make my report every night
Mr. Blady analyzes them. If you want more details...
Who gives the biggest checks to the Shoe Defense Fund?
Yours truly
You're late, George. Everything's cold
It doesn't matter. I'll just have some cheese
The girls get the boxes mixed up
I'll give the accounts to Antoine
- Have you had lunch? - Yes. Downstairs
With the girls?
There's one book missing. Sit down
I'll give it to you later
Do you like cheese?
This one's perfect. It stinks beautifully!
I'd rather have a yogurt
Dick and Janet called
I told them to call the store
They're taking their first French lesson
Do you speak English?
I'm studying... with records
Records are a joke!
You can only learn English in bed...
with an English girl
I learned with an Australian
Her husband was a house painter
Like Hitler
Don't ever say that!
It's slander
Hitler was a landscape painter
The one I need is in the car. Wait for me, Antoine
I'll do it
Are you coming?
Do you like music?
Yes, sir
What's wrong, Antoine?
I'm sick!
I'm going home
Where's the new boy, Antoine?
He went home, sick
May I see the book, please
No, the personnel record
Give me a word to use in place of "say"
I've used it 10 times already
Confide, state, relate, affirm...
You sure know a lot
But I'll stick to "say"
Mrs. Tabard really keeps me on the run
But I've got a clue
She has a lover
She does not! She's above all that!
I saw her buying 3 ties at Cardin's. Tabard doesn't wear them
That's right. He wears bow ties
I'm going to ask Mr. Blady to put me on another case!
I must talk to you
Not now. Mr. Albany is here
Can't you wait 5 minutes?
No, it's urgent!
I'll see you in a little while
We've been lucky in your case... we aren't always
We shadowed your friend...
the magician
Robert Espanet, 35
He's been doing his act...
at the Golden Horse since last September
His address is...
42 rue de la République
He moved because his wife was pregnant
His wife!
He was married on Nov 12th
You must be mistaken!
No. The marriage contract...
was drawn up by Lebaudet
You're a dirty liar!
Give me that!
Go get the dentist upstairs!
There's a crazy guy in our office!
Take him home
No, I can't face it. He left all his things there!
You have to go somewhere
I'll go to a hotel
Put him in a cab and take him home
You must be real proud of yourself
I hope he paid in advance
One of my teachers once explained the difference
between tact and politeness
A man opens a bathroom door by mistake
and sees a naked lady
He steps back and says
"Excuse me, madam." that's politeness
the same man finds the same naked lady and says
"Excuse me, sir." that's tact!
I know why you ran away, Antoine... until tomorrow...
For the past hour...
I've been looking at the ties...
which I would never dare to wear
this is a farewell letter
You are generous, and I don't deserve your generosity
You will never see me again. I'm quitting my job
I'm an impostor of the worst kind
I dreamed that a feeling might exist between us
But that is as impossible as Felix's love...
for Mme de Mortsauf
Farewell
I woke you up
I was awakened very early too...
by your letter
but it doesn't matter. It's a pleasure...
to wake up and read something lovely
I sat down to answer it
But I realized...
that I had to come here right away, myself
I've read the Lily in the Valley
I'm like you. I think it's beautiful
But you forgot one thing
Although Mme de Mortsauf loved Felix...
it is not a beautiful love story
It's terribly sad...
for she died...
because she couldn't share her love with him
Besides, I'm not an apparition. I'm a woman...
which is the opposite
For example, this morning before I came...
I put some make-up on
I powdered my nose
I made up my eyes
And as I came across Paris I noticed...
that all the women had done the same thing...
for their pleasure, or that of others
You say that I'm exceptional
It's true. I am exceptional
Every woman is exceptional in turn
You, over there...
you're exceptional too
Your fingerprints are unique
You are unique
We're both unique...
and irreplaceable
Before he died...
my father beckoned to the doctor...
and said
"People are wonderful!"
Then he died
You don't need to talk
But I wish you'd look at me
You wrote me yesterday. And the answer is...
me
I propose...
a contract...
which is fair to both of us
Since we both like what is exceptional...
I'll come close to you...
now
We'll spend a few hours together
And then, whatever happens, we'll never meet again
Do you agree?
I'll take the key out of the lock
In the stories we both like...
the lady throws the key out the window
But this vase will do very well
Surprise!... This morning...
Mrs. Tabard, who never gets up before 11...
went out at 8:15
I followed her to 18 Square d'Anvers...
where she stayed an hour and a half
Then she went home
Whose apartment did she go to?
I don't know. There are a lot of apartments
The concierge wasn't there, but I'll go back
I know where she was
I have to see you alone
I hate to bother you
I'm the high school principal
I need some information...
about one of your teachers, Miss Dupuis
Oh, nothing important...
just some details about her life... her morals...
I'm on a new case
What am I going to tell Mr. Tabard? That he paid 2000 Frs for that!
Is it real hair?
Not bad, huh?
I'll call Mr. Blady
Hang up. Mr. Henri is dead
For a little more I'll strip
Here. But keep your clothes on
You can stay longer then
I don't want to
That jerk!
Put your brakes on!
What are you doing now?
I'm a T.V. repair man
No, no... It was my fault
I can think of better ways to find you
But no harm done
Have a nice weekend
Don't you want to come with us?
No, I have to study
You can always call Lucienne
I won't be lonesome. I'll watch T.V.
Don't stay inside all weekend
SOS 9999
Could you come to 44 Ave Edouard Vaillant?
The T.V. doesn't work at all
Oh, it's a Serene Voice!
Who took this out?
That's funny. It's like in a cab
Please! Let me work in peace!
That's not the way to do it!
I'll teach you something
How to butter it without breaking it
You take two pieces, like this
You spread the butter
And the top one will never break
I'll teach you everything I know
And you'll teach me what you know
It's not very important...
Yes, it is...
but I'd rather write it down
Have you got a pencil?
I forgot my handkerchief. Will you lend me yours?
All I've got is kleenex
No thanks. I never use paper!
Don't look now... There's a strange guy
I think he's been following me
Who is he?
I don't know. Here he comes
I know I'm not unknown to you
For a long time I watched you in secret
But now I've stopped hiding
I know that the time has come
Before you, I'd never been in love
I hate the temporary
I know all about life
I know that everyone betrays everyone
But you and I will be different
We'll never leave each other, not for a single hour
I have no work. I have no obligations in life
You will be my sole preoccupation
I understand...
I realize this is all too sudden...
for you to say yes at once... that you must first separate...
from some temporary people
I am definitive
I am very happy
The man's really mad!
He must be